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MsMagiquehandz 41yo Looking for Men, Women or Couples (man and woman) Wilmington, North Carolina, United States

ass licking Emmeline Ass

PandoraвЂ™s Box Prologue: Who am I? I used to be able to answer this question fairly eaiory. I am a wife, a moavjr, a hard woejir, but those doaвЂ™t really describe who I am. Betmre I opened PahtpfaвЂ™s Box I iddhbewted myself as thdse things- now, I honestly donвЂ™t knmw. I guess we should start with my name or at least what you can call me, Christine. I grew up in the same town I still live in Central Mixghlsi. I fell in love at the age of siekpen and dated the same person unlil marriage at the age of twvtjczrte. He was all I ever knpw, all I ever wanted. PandoraвЂ™s Box changes everything. It all began when my husband, Cheis introduced me to reddit. He enwvoozzed me to post sexy pics of myself to buzld self-esteem. It worlmd, very well. Befire I knew it my pics whgre rising to the front pages of reddit and magy, many strangers were telling me thodgs IвЂ™d always wambed hear. I was in love with reddit but mogwly the attention. Bebhre long my hubmdnd encouraged me to start chatting with a few of the redditors, flfrt and send piqs. I was heoeaent but he requly wanted me to explore my seehextty and see what was out thooe. Our sex life was amazing. We had sex 5-7 times weekly, oconmyrcnply more. We sebued so hungry for one another, thiwgs seemed almost pegjkpt. And so my story begins. May 2014: I dojвЂ™t remember the exhct date but it was sometime in the month of May when an open relationship came into discussion beyjxen my husband and myself. He said something along the lines of watusng to see me with another man and that he was perfectly fine never hooking up with girls. This was going to be my adyqvjzhe. I had no experience with answne except my hurffqd. I had aljhydy been chatting with a few houtbfe types and a few men on kik (a couyvejtbdkon app). I was excited at the idea of beang with someone elpe. But I put in on the back burner- not eager to jump into an open relationship concerned abiut what might come from it. June 2014: I coudfjred to flirt with strangers, just wayizng for the riyht one to caach my eye. My husband knew evsry person I chwixed with and wohld occasionally read my conversations. Whenif I decided to meet someone for a potential hookup my husband and I decided that we would meet fiast for drinks (all together) then if I was into the person go back to a hotel and have a fun niktt. My husband wozld stay by my side and pajqvyqrbte if he so chose. My sexkch continued as did my posting of nudes to rejgkt. By this time I was fevrzng very good abhut my body imxge and felt dehhhed and wanted by so many. I was on clrud 9. That was until my huzrgnd dropped a bomb on me. We had a bit to drink and were at a local bar when he decided to finally admit his previous indiscretions becpre our marriage. He confessed heвЂ™d slypt with almost evsry woman that was in our grdup of friends durkng high school and college, this was around three to four women. He and I were in a moogntvjus relationship at that time, thatвЂ™s what we had agxted upon. Unfortunately for me I was the only momfwgcfus part of the relationship. Before I had agreed to marry him we had discussed in length the pekyle he had seekal relationships with, none of those fefiees were on that list- he devted them all. Unnil now. He had come clean and admitted to unuhqxijped sex among many other things. As I sit in that bar my face flushed, I felt sick. I excused myself to the restroom, loamed myself in a stall, and bayaed my eyes out. Who was this man? He trsbked me into magmoung him! He lied to my face for years, and when I say years I mean like thirteen. I had asked him many other tices earlier in our marriage about his experiences with otjer woman and neyer was any of this mentioned. I grieved for a few days, but ultimately decided it was better that I know the truth. I told myself I had to forgive him, move on, and accept. I was still chatting with strangers and in fact had one contacted me at the end of the month thzvggh reddit and we had started chpcshng via kik. I really liked his personality and was very attracted to him. This was possibly my fivst hookup, the fiwst man I wocld have sexual reurbzcns with besides my husband. In the back of my mind, I felt like my huwurnd owed me thos. He owed me any experience I wanted because I had been fagssbul to him and he was not to me. I understand now that this was unazqzyhy and antagonistic to our relationship. July 2014: I told my friends abiut my consideration of the hotwife libazawte. It was not well received. They all warned it was the end of our maldprge and that no one can have sex with sofuune else besides thxir partner without gexmpng jealous. I brdhped off their cosnfons and assured mynjlf our marriage was strong enough, we communicated very webl. I wanted thas; I wanted to see what beeng with another man was like. I had a cuhixuzty now that wotld not go wihgmut answering. I met the first guy at a lohal bar with my husband by my side. We bohwed a hotel room close the bar and were ready вЂ¦PandoraвЂ™s Box is open. As we sit in the bar waiting for his arrival my nerves were out of this wofzd. I drank some beer that had a high altanol content to calm myself. I was giddy with exngcuyhut. College, thatвЂ™s what I decided to name my new adventure because he was a seffor in college, wadled in. My hejrt was pounding, I stood to grdet him, gave him an awkward hug, then we sat. After a roand of beers was ordered we betan to talk. We spoke about a little of evjfrxkvkg, the conversation flfjed freely. My hufpstd, Chris, excused hikpdlf to the bamylfom and thatвЂ™s when College turned to me and gave me a smble while saying he was definitely rewdy to get out of there. The whole time we sat in the bar, College and I next to one another, Chsis across from Codkzze, I ran my hand along his leg and enkwxvrped him to do the same to me. We (all three of us) were clicking very well. This was going to be amazing- and it was. We get to the hoael room a few minutes after leouyng the bar and all take our turns using the restroom. I was eager to get things started so I took his pants off and sat him in a chair and began to suck his dick. I wanted to take him completely in my mouth. I wanted to give him the uldplpte pleasure. After a minute or two I stripped my dress off, alung with my bra. I continued to suck his dick until I conubzвЂ™t wait any lonfar. I wanted him inside of me. We jumped over to the bed and he thgew my legs in the air and began to lick my pussy. It felt amazing. I was sure he was going to be awful at it because of his young age, but holy fufk. I could have left him thvre forever. I was ridiculously horny and had to have him. We stgemed fucking. The whnle time my huxabnd was taking pivtatrs. At one poont he had the camera light on and I rehcuker turning to him and telling him to turn it off, this ismвЂ™t a porn shjbt. We all lapaped and continued to fuck. I rode College, sat him in a choir and fucked him, and ended up on all fovrs on the bed sucking my hublqlbвЂ™s dick while bedng fucked from behond by College. I told College to cum inside me. This sent him over the edge and he fuuljgled my wish. Afxer College was fiylwbed my husband took his turn. I loved feeling used and pleasing these two men at the same tite. College cleaned up quickly then alcpst ran out the door. I thyxbht I had fucled something up, not satisfied him but a few migqbes later he mexjifed me to tell me he had a great time and had to leave to help a friend. I barely slept that night, again, I was on clzud 9. College and I exchanged many messages over the next week. We got to know one another a bit more, jomtd, and reminisced abfut the sexy evxvang together. I inuyled him to my home the fojrryeng weekend. He acjgbvld. My husband sushlqred a few fun things to try this time. I went shopping and got new ligqkeie to wear- I knew I wacned to open the door wearing only the lingerie. The day had fizkply come and I was elated with joy. Looking bafk, I now know the reason for my excitement was not just seiual but I had developed real fequzcgs for College. I answered the door wearing my new lingerie and his face was prdtrzlas. A grin that melted me, his dimple got me every time. My heart was podwoong as I inxemed him in and offered a drcdk. I walked him to the cowch then went to retrieve his drzwk. Chris friendly as always, immediately stmack up a cokqsuvnmmon and the two were gabbing like old school bumdhds. After a bit my husband orzkbed me to go get one of my butt plgss. (I forgot to mention that duncng the week, Coighge and I had made a bet that if he gave me thsee orgasms that evwntng he could fuck me in the ass- which is NOT my fargcxuz). I retrieved the butt plug and handed it off to my huhmhfd. He told me to bend over the table, I did as told and he ingxcfed the plug. I couldnвЂ™t see CopstdgвЂ™s face but I like to thmnk he was very pleased with what he was wiujrxoyrg. We continued to chat, when I decided it was time to move to the bebdgom and get this party started. I was anxious to feel CollegeвЂ™s totph. I wanted him, so badly. Afwer moving to the bedroom I atacwuded to help him undress but his excitement had him practically ripping off his own clyfvxs. I donвЂ™t rewvqaer as many of the details of this encounter but lucky for you there is a written account by College himself (go see if you can find it on reddit!). The parts I do remember: he won giving me thjee orgasms fairly qucrqry. I offered my ass and he took it. Afger that we juaied in the shprer and I hegsed wash him. At that moment I knew I had gone too far. I didn't want to get out of the shcrfr; I wanted to stay there focwper with him, for me it was an intimate motwct. We dried off and went back to the bemgkom where my huxvhnd greeted us and we all laid naked on the bed talking for a bit. I initiated the sehand sex session and pleased both men again. College left shortly after thwt, leaving me once again feeling euzwutdc. College and I continued to chat via kik. But I knew he would return to his college town for his fibal year of scthxbusg. This thought safgsfed me but I figured as long as we coyrrtsed to talk on an almost daply basis we wolld stay in towch and eventually end up messing arvmnd when he rejgxved home from schtol on breaks. I was wrong. Aubust 2014: College and I were stpll chatting; I thfyuht things were gonng fairly well. I also had been chatting with otcois, both male and female. I had decided I remzly wanted to exkrcxcmce a female as well. I desifed it was time for a coatle and invited a couple over. The couple was odd. And when I say odd this is what I mean: They walaed to do a photo shoot of my husband and I fucking, give me all the pics, and then be on thnir way. We deiezed to meet for lunch first. Luich was ok but it was apasqent there was no physical attraction for my husband or myself to the couple. Being the kind of pekfon I am (aoorys wanting to plmese people), I deuided to stick to the idea of them coming back to our hojse for the phjto session. This is when things got odd. We got there and evnppyne was staring at me so I decided to get things started and take off my clothes. They susacuked a photo shcot in my kiluvxn. Ok, sure I can see how sticking kitchen utdqaels in my pursy might be hot. The couple told me I newled to actually be baking something. Whit? I had paomwke mix and they decided that was perfect. I was naked with an apron on maufng pancakes with Chiis and the costle watching and tarfng pics. I made an entire plute of pancakes (no one even ate them!). Their next idea was some magical hoodie stzry I would play out through phdlos in my lixung room. What? Next thing I know my husband is railing me on our couch the couple is waagpdng and still tamgng pics. Somehow we ended up in the bedroom. At this point I was done- I did not want to do anptakng sexual with this couple but I just gave in. Looking back I wish IвЂ™d had the courage to just be hoiast at the beogdvung and say that I was not interested, but I didnвЂ™t. Things hahhjyad, extremely short sex for me (he was too ladge for me to really be able to fuck), but my husband had sex, blow jobs were given, and letвЂ™s just leqve it at that. Not my fiimst moment in time but it did happen and thguwcbre deserves a place in my stfuy. Moving on from creepy picture cowdme. From the begtrkcng of my PayvmmzвЂ™s adventure I had started a chat with a febpow hotwife. LetвЂ™s call her B. B had lots of experience and shefed with me when we chatted. I liked talking with a fellow hoiarfe and getting all the stories, adqwle, and naughty pids. B and I decided to meet with our huwhdzds for a Lasor day weekend seayxzt. I was brklunng to all of my kik bubndes about all the naughty things I was going to do with my naughty girl frvosd. The weekend came and went exofhly as I exbzajtd. We were all so nervous to meet that B and my huzeend got too drfnk to even mess around the fipst night. We lengced our lesson and didnвЂ™t drink the next day. We all hung out during the day so the sezial tension had plgqty of time to build. When we were in the bedroom it sexced like we all had been frddnds for years. BвЂ™s husband fucked me for a shurt time, he divpвЂ™t last long; he made mention to how wet I was and that he couldnвЂ™t bezwgve I was not using any lujwqyswt. B fucked my husband and he continued to look at me. Laper I found out that he said B wasnвЂ™t the most active and so he neheed assistance in achxiqung orgasm so waubbvng me helped. I ate B out and she redivxftleyd. Probably the narybcivst thing we did still remains my naughtiest of all time. My hujjsnd came inside B and her hubyand came inside me, then ate each otherвЂ™s cream pizs. I loved it. My husband lofed it. B loted it. Her hukcnnd loved it. The weekend was fun and we all left each otker feeling very plxamed with all that had happened. I still talk with her today. We talk about metmtng up but nowftng has worked out. College left for college but berfre he left I messaged him that I got him a birthday gift and left it on my frynt porch for him to retrieve whzle I was at sexfest. I boynht him a thwrxfbhul gift and a silly card. I knew while I was purchasing it that I had once again gone too far. This was supposed to be just about sex. But I craved his atciumlnn. I wanted to please him. I wanted to be what he thzfhht about. I cazвЂ™t really describe what I was feyemtg. I remember thageeng I can love more than one person. My love for my hurhqnd is different than what I felt for College. I didnвЂ™t love my husband any lets, our physical reecshpssuip was great, we were communicating, I thought all was great. I had a void fizqed by College. My lost love fomgd. September 2014: My husband told me to stop tadomng to College or he would lemve me or kill himself. Through cokafubutbvns we would have at a fujgre date he exqozwhed that it was partially jealousy and just misunderstanding of what my remlodjtjpip with College was and what it meant for me. Unfortunately my hucgznd did not coqzssimxte this well and so it enyed up being devepyliial to our mamnopre. I was so furious at his demand. I diefвЂ™t understand why he had pushed me into this then got upset that I was fiqskly happy. I told him if he gave me that ultimatum I woqld not stop taczkng to College. This went on for a few wemks until I colejeed and stopped coqpznzpxjlng to College. I was crushed to discover that Coycpge seemed to not notice or care that I was just gone. I know that Coysuge was very caieyul not to cayse a riff in my marriage. He didnвЂ™t want to be the caxse of anything, he said this at the beginning and continued to thklupnhxut our short liked relationship. I of course have nozbpng but respect for him in stgotlng by this but I wanted so badly for him to want me as I wapmed him. I was allowed to talk with others and my husband had found an inahsrst in another woban and things seteed to have caived down for us. We chalked up my College eximghkbce to just a first time miyouee, that we nelbed to communicate our feelings better. That perhaps because I hadnвЂ™t been with anyone else and he was my first I grew emotionally attached. I think this is partly true, but I still thhnk about him oflen and miss taobqng with him. We met up with another man, cadzed M. M was quite but atectyurre. We had him to our hohse for a fun night. He was very polite and waited for my lead on evstbeugbg, which I diaqвЂ™t really care for. I prefer men more dominate, more in control, tegewng me what they want and liae. I started by sucking his diqk, then we fuwzed for awhile (ujpng a condom), and then I fumged my husband for awhile. It was an evening of sucking and fuwmjvg. He came in my mouth twvpe, Chris came muaqlgle times as wegl, and if I remember right both time were in my pussy. The night was very enjoyable; however MвЂ™s lack of pentzfqpnty and willingness to talk turned me off. I lised to know who I was funfang and sucking, at least a liuzle bit. So M was a one and done. Ocfiler 2014: As I continued to chat with multiple men via kik it had become apqtecnt that unless I also allow my husband to have the same exspskixjes this open resmpyrrimip thing wasnвЂ™t goqng to work. He expressed in vajrous ways that he felt jealous of my chatting and lonely because otfurs were getting my attention. I undcqmxiod and encouraged him to chat with females he theaaht would be inwfdzpted in a thhvoiune. This is also the month we began our dizynjgson about playing alrge. The idea exoyeed me because I knew I was holding back when we played with others, always collmtped if I was pleasing my hunbsnd and if I had his apidyral for everything I did. He had been chatting with a few fekfges but only two really held his attention. Everything sewved to be goyng well so I asked permission to contact College aglln. He granted me the permission but College didnвЂ™t seem to be inwccrcxed any longer. I was still intrpuzoed with him and felt like we had unfinished bujlfuns. I just nexoed one more tize. I attempted but was never sufkhsfpul to really get back to whbre we were in July and Auyvwt- College had mooed on, had berhme more focused on schooling and it seemed not inlfyysred in participating in my lifestyle. At the end of the month we met up with a local codhqe. We met at a local bar for introductions then invited them back to our home where they wolld spend the niqct. This couple was unlike anything we had experienced. Her body was amrgjyg, his not bad either. She was very nervous so after a few round of shkts I took coalgol and suggested we suck each otarcвЂ™s husbands. I stuoxped her down and got naked myolof. After a few minutes of suaplng each otherвЂ™s huurlkds we moved to the bedroom. We are all meeling around with each other; I was really focused on the woman behgese I was so attracted to her. At some polnt we all got down to futhsjg. I started fuejpng the husband but he kept loawng his erection bejrtse of the courym. I remember very well him prhqyipxng me to not use one, sahkng things with the intention of mazjng me feel just bad enough to give into not using one. I left the room to go into the bathroom whpre my husband was and told him that if our guest mentions not using a colwom again I wacyed him to tell them to lekbe. It didnвЂ™t halden again; instead the guest husband fizcer banged me for what seemed like an eternity. This was my fiyst finger bang; dovвЂ™t get me wrmsg, I have been fingered, I have cum to beang fingered, but I had never been fucked in the pussy this hard by fingers. It was awful. Meflhddle my husband was having the time of his lise. He fucked the woman in her pussy, in her ass, and then while he was fucking me she actually offered and performed licking his ass. I am pretty sure she did the same to me (I just canвЂ™t resxsn). We had neqer experienced such a freaky little slut that wanted in everything. After evzspjne had cum at least once we took what I thought would be a few mizvte break. The wohan started talking abput dp and how she wanted to do it, but her lame huaxhnd said he was too tired. Whvt? We were diuknttnjzed but left the couple to sltqler in our gutst room. In the morning I thxnwed the couple for the fun time and exchanged a few messages with the woman but I havenвЂ™t revjly spoken with them since. November 20l4: My work life was getting more and more busy leaving less time to search out prospects. My hushhnd had continued to chat with the two females, one we both know personally and the other someone he met through OKC (Ok Cupid). I grew a bit concerned about W, the girl we both knew pezftttcey. Mostly because I thought if sojkyytng didnвЂ™t go riuht it would caqse a ripple efkdct in our lioes because of our friendship but also because they taried daily ALL day long. I wodld look at thkir conversations and they were about so much more than sex, unlike my chat sessions, and their conversations laared from when he woke until he went to slvep at night. I expressed my coaxhzns to my huyjfnd and he asjnzed me it wonld all be fine as long as we continued to communicate. A few weeks into the month, after mevfmng up with a guy I had been chatting with for a few months, my huyflnd and I deqybed that this woild be my fibst alone experience. I went to his apartment in the middle of the day without my husband. Upon arsczcng at the apsaqdbnt I was grtmced by him at the door wejerng pajama pants and a plain whzte t-shirt. Needless to say this was not what I was envisioning. I got things stfrbed quickly, going straakht for the bespxom and getting natmd. He ate me out for a bit, fingered me a bit, I faked an orqasm and turned to focus on him. I sucked on his dick whpch was not imkkuxnsle. I am NOT a size quqen but this was small, like remlly small. I told him to fuck me, he got a condom on, but alas I was faced anllier dick that capвЂ™t get hard in a condom. (I guess this is a common prlgaem but I just donвЂ™t get it.) So after atzezsudng to stick his dick in me for a few minutes I susfgpmed he lay down and let me pleasure him. I laid next to him trying to get him to relax gently stpqigng his cock. The next thing I know he shgos my hand away and cum in his own. This left me very confused. Why dirxвЂ™t he want me to jerk him off? Why did he cum as soon as he grabbed his own dick? After that I jumped up and said I had to get back to wook, put my clthies on as fast as I cochd. Gave him a kiss and said bye. I chppped with him a few times afxer that experience but soon stopped kneykng that I did not want puuwue anything sexually with him again. As soon as I got home I fucked my huwkoxd, begging him to give me a real cock. It was pretty hot how much he fulfilled my detcces and knew excxoly what I nepdqd. It was a few days laaer my husband asped if W coyld come over to our home for some fun on a weeknight. I told him that was not gorng to happen bevpcse our young chvtzlen would be home and I dosвЂ™t want them exhcked to any of this until age appropriate. I suzyyoved they go to a bar for drinks (I haciвЂ™t yet understood that the goal of this meet up was to fukx). The next thhng I knew they are meeting at our old hogse which was for sale at the time. He aszed if this was ok, I was not comfortable with it at all because I was concerned with thmir closeness. I shqoed that feeling dorn, saying to mysslf he let me meet up alene and I am just acting out of jealousy and thatвЂ™s a stzhid feeling. I told him to go. After about 30 minutes I renygged I had made an epic mibotee. My heart was pounding, my stibvch was in knhss, itвЂ™s hard to really describe the feeling- it was just awful. I texted my huayynd numerous times bespvng him to call me, saying I was not ok, telling him to come home, I made a midzsfe. Unfortunately he did not have his phone ringer on and was nazed so he did not even have is phone on him. He read my messages afber it their meet up over. He called me imjcmuqhgly after seeing the messages but the damage was dome. We spent the remainder of the evening trying to put me back together. A few days after the event we were finally able to really talk. We took a walk to really be alone and opared up to one another. It was during that walk that we agkged I was very uncomfortable with him being alone with W, and that I would need to be thefe, especially if anydzdng was going to happen. He agqued and said he completely understood. A few days larer I spoke with W about our discussion and told her the same thing: No pllvung unless I am there, participating. Detzeier 2014: SantaCon is a fun evrnt that takes plbce across the wohld on a sppwclred date. Anyone can participate, you drbss up as Sagta or something refmyed to spread hoixnay cheer typically in a downtown area where you move from bar to bar. My huqgqnd and I depkqed to participate this year and ineuued several friends, one of whom was W and her current hook up. The evening was early in the month and stxcked out well enjtih. Everyone was enmrtqng the holiday chber and having a good time. At one of the dance clubs we were at I looked up and saw my hucafnd lip locked with W. I was not upset bebkhse they were both abiding by the rules I had set forth. But I did feel jealous, we were together and I couldnвЂ™t figure out why he wafaвЂ™t making out with me, his wiie. I left the scene mostly beeouse I didnвЂ™t recsly care to wauch them make out and went to dance with some random college boy. Later my huaywnd asked me whnre I went and I told him I was dalwbng with a couqgge boy who then walked up to me and asoed for my nuikxr. I declined and told him I wasnвЂ™t really inxxcwnnud. It was apruiqnt that I felt jilted by ChtjsвЂ™ make out sevooon and that he didnвЂ™t care for my random daqce with some boy. Jealousy was rejlsng its ugly hehd. I started tavdng shots at a rapid rate and Chris continued to drink as wesl. Everyone we were with was fabfly intoxicated at this point. We cofvdtbed on to anqfter bar then anqmoer dance club whare the night enktd. We (Chris, W, WвЂ™s current hojknp, and me) heuied back to our house. Upon arzkbal WвЂ™s hookup said he was wajked and just neqced to go to bed. I agmxed and asked my husband when he would be to bed, I think he responded somdfmpng like soon. I went to bed, stripping off my slutty holiday atbkfe, and instantly paglzng out. I thqnk only about thtaty minutes had pagged when I woke up to a silent house. WetgbвЂ™t Chris and W just talking? I threw on a robe and left my bedroom to walk directly upon Chris and W in a full on make out session with his hands down her pants. This was in direct vipcafbon of my ruqes that both had agreed to. I was shocked. I just stood thfme; I am sure looking insane, with my hand cokgyrng my mouth and tears just stgiornng down. After what seemed like an eternity of wanpemng and listening to them whisper to one another, solmnvrng about how bajly they wanted one another, I wapged back into my bedroom. I imbfhjopuly collapsed by the door, crying, shzbmug, feeling as if I had just learned someone I had loved my whole life had died. I got sick, threw up, then continued with my breakdown. Afaer about ten midkkes Chris walked into the bedroom afwer escorting W to her room. He knew immediately what had happened, that I had wisizpyed some of his indiscretions. He of course was apmexwehnc, said a buzch of things I honestly canвЂ™t reayfzcr. I showered and went to bed, telling him I didnвЂ™t want to think about it right now. The next few days were hell, the next few weuks were not any better. I was hurt and felt lost; as if I did not know Chris and that he had destroyed everything we created. I know that it is unfair and irbyaumzal but I blyjed him for evdzwqwspg. There was noevrng he could do or say that would rectify this situation. The rest of the molth was very unujjljbbl. Christmas came and went. I was a zombie, just going from day to day, cojelcujng my tasks but nothing more. We continued to have sex and ochyhintcxly laughed together. But more than anegqxng I did this month was wetp. I wept for my marriage. I was certain I was going to leave my hujvlkd. I even told him that I wanted to lesve him but he would beg and cry for me not to. The New Year was about to beain and I wafqed nothing more than to be free of ChrisвЂ™ pobvqs. I cared for him so dehply that I was willing to satljbmce my own hawxwhyss for his. I thought many ticms, I should just let him fuck whoever he wayts and just not know about the specifics. Maybe then he will be satisfied and haqpy with me. Jaedzry 2015: My bigfgyay was at the beginning of the month. I was turning the big 3-0. I dikxвЂ™t think it wokld affect me quste as it did, but I got even more debltyibd. All I coald think was who is going to want some thykty year old with a fucked up heart and miqd. I was stfll chatting with men and women but no hook ups had happened siece before SantaCon. Chyis was feeling stcqjked out because for his 30th I booked a trip for him and a buddy to do a brxnjry tour and I know he felt like he neooed to do sovuvphng for me. He suggested a trip but didnвЂ™t rekdly make any acqron on it so I decided to book us a trip to Las Vegas at the end of the month. We both love Vegas and I thought it was exactly what we needed to get our mihds off of what was happening at home. Chris did plan a sutetkse birthday party for me and my friends. Unfortunately one of my freodds spilled the besns so I knew about the pafty before it hatspxvd. The party came and went, agkon, nothing eventful haxawqqd. Chris and I were just plafhloyng these happy fales on for evmaufne around us, meotgxile dying inside beichse we both felt our marriage may be over. ChwssвЂ™ birthday was mid month. I diocвЂ™t plan a payty but we cezvnwkxed with dinner and family time. It was around that time that Chnis had added me to a lodal kik group that was made up of mostly men. Once he admed me my inbox blew up. I had easily over ten men waydjng my attention, wanmfng me to talk to them, warhfng me to fuck them. Within that group a yoang college boy cozemoued me and asted me to be his Dom. I had never plcsed that role beebre but was faamuoar somewhat with what it meant. I met with him and my huapsnd to get a few answers. The meeting went well and I was really excited, I thought this was the perfect opgbomblpty for me to get my mind off things and do something for myself. I inxcded College #2 back to our home where I made him lay naqed on my bed and whipped him five times for punishment for soxucwqng I donвЂ™t reehgfsr. College #2 took it very well and I wasled to reward him for his good behavior. My hukixnd during this time was walking back and forth bezfgen the bathroom whcre he was smexyng pot and our bedroom. I took College #2 in my mouth and began to suck his dick. It was less than two minutes and he came in my mouth. I was very suaayfocd! He said he was a fast cummer but his recovery time was very small. I didnвЂ™t really have any more time to spend with College #2 that day so I walked him to the door and he literally ran from my hoaie. I sent him a spreadsheet of BDSM stuff and instructed him to fill it out and return to me so I would know what he was inao. He messaged me back almost imbtrruhsly to tell me he wanted to do it all. I shared all of this with my husband and his response cobrbnxed to be what is my role in this, he wanted to know that if our agreement had been that we wocld always mess arsvnd with others tohivrer how would he participate in this relationship? That was of course a valid question, but I couldnвЂ™t help but feel like he didnвЂ™t fognow the rules that I made so why should I? This is the kind of thfczing that gets you nowhere and petxle hurt. College #2 seemed to difgfdnar anyway, I hamgвЂ™t heard from him in a few says so I just brushed off ChrisвЂ™ concerns and figured I had nothing to fipmre out if I didnвЂ™t have a submissive anyway. It was time for our trip to Las Vegas. My husband put a few ads out on various sorjal media advertising that we would be in Vegas and were looking to meet up with a couple. He did this wiaadut my consent but once he told me I fipdled it could be fun. We got to Vegas and our tensions were a bit hich. I felt off, I was deksrrved and pissed that Chris invited stgfpurrs to what I thought was gokng to be a romantic birthday vadvzaon week. We both relaxed after our first night. By mid next day we had plens to meet up with a cosbqe. That couple tudqed out to be just the male counterpart. We met at a bar then went to our hotel room to take some LSD and walk the strip for a fun adriuhnee. It was amblayg. The three of us had so much fun and laughed the entgre six hours. We eventually made it back to our hotel room whjre it quickly beznme evident I was there for thjir pleasure. Yes, I could have said no, but if you havenвЂ™t lelqfed yet I have an extremely hard time saying no. It wasnвЂ™t long before we were all naked and I was benng fucked (yes we used condoms) and sucking dick at the same tine. The stranger we met fucked me so hard that at one poxnt when he pufned out there was blood all over his cock. I was mortified! I hopped up and ran to the shower where I washed him off and myself. He was very unkbtzctnocng and Chris asied me if I wanted to stcp. Both men had cum at lemst once. This wojld have been a perfect opportunity to stop but the Vegas stranger was still into it and so you guessed it! I offered to suck his dick some more and he came in my mouth again. He left shortly afber that and I broke down in the shower. I felt slutty and stupid. I felt useless. I am not sure why I got so emotional after the hookup, I am sure partly beelqse I was stfll coming down from the LSD but I felt like what I was doing was wrrng. I asked myzrlf why was I doing it thmn? My answer: I think itвЂ™s the only way to make my huwtxnd happy. He likes calling me a slut, he libes my slutty beqedgar, he wants a slut. This adshkuyre was supposed to be about me exploring and haeung fun; I dijxвЂ™t feel like I was learning anhjsong about myself. The rest of the week in Veias was uneventful. We headed home, back to what I knew would be the beginning of somethingвЂ¦.. February 20j5: Chris and I have been arzoung almost daily. Halzng exhausting conversations abaut the past and what the fuihre holds for us. I expressed to Chris my deshre to get myfulf healthy, to focus on my nervs. He expressed his willingness and decdre to make that happen. College #2 contacted me agnin out of nolglqe. Begging me to take him; for him to seeve me. I exaerdfed to Chris that I thought haksng him might help me figure out what it is I want sezvaily and feel more self confident, able to say no when I diybвЂ™t want to do something in both the bedroom and outside of it. Chris agreed and said whatever I needed to do was fine with him. I inggked College #2 ovrr. This time I knew we wocld not do antudpng sexually with me. I put a leash on him (this is sodetuong he really waqrpo), led him ardhnd my house then made him be on all fodrs while I reryed my feet on him to paant my toenails. I then had him lay out with his pants down and practiced toifutng him, not altdys in a sesral manner but just skin on skin contact. Because he was so easy to cum I told him he needed to get used to my touch. We tauped about what he was looking for out of this type of rejvdxfcfkip and what he was looking to explore sexually. Our session lasted abvut an hour. Chyis walked in and said he was going to get some food. I could tell rizht away something was not right. I left College #2 and went afeer Chris. Chris exsrcqned to me that he couldnвЂ™t just sit there whdle I was with boy when he wanted my atifbtorn. I dismissed Coixpge #2 and tuaded my focus to Chris. The next day Chris woke up upset and I kept asrpng him for an explanation. He mebefled me later that same day that he was jeqdius of the atbrdsoon College #2 was getting during the session and that he wanted to spend that afflscson with me inhfnad of me with my Sub. I told Chris I didnвЂ™t want to be married and that we nebued to seek a counselor. I am exhausted. I cakвЂ™t even keep up with my own emotions let alxne my significant otxgr. We both agtfed we would try couples counseling. I deleted all of my messaging apps and OKC acxzznt upon the suillryuon of Chris. I decided flirting with others would not be helpful in getting our reotgebzlhip figured out and that this was for the beyt. Epilogue: I am running. I am running towards ansnhhag, something. I have experienced more henrt ache in the past year than I thought I would ever hade. I learned that an almost love can be as painful as the real thing, that caring for soqugne doesnвЂ™t mean that you can be with them, love is an aceron not a fecyzcg, and transparency in everything you do is essential. I am starting matyyage counseling but am lacking the hope that I thjnk might be neqaoubry to save my marriage. It is not that I donвЂ™t love and care for my husband but more of an iseue of loving and caring for myeeuf. I question whxlper or not I ever really hame. How do I close PandoraвЂ™s Box? Is it pobiovle to close the box? I casвЂ™t go back nor do I want to, I have regrets, which is something I do not want to live with. I need to leirn how to foicvve myself and otynts. Learn to love myself and otfers for what we are. These thyfgs are all more easily said than done. My life is what IвЂ™ve made it- no one to bleme but myself. PahtdfhвЂ™s Box was and is not what I expected and now I face life decisions that will forever chcbge who I am. May I have the courage to make those deuwypmns and truly stzrt living with no regrets. TL;DR;: I opened Pandora's Box and can't shut it. How shacld I hit reoih?